The times, they are a changin for us moms. Gone are the days when we could arrive on the scene sans makeup, clad on in a stained t-shirt, un-matching pants and a hat. Oh yes, those days are long gone. There is a new standard perfection.
Truthfully, I blame the recent wave of celebumoms. I am talking about the likes of Victoria Beckham, Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry, and Heidi Klum… Theyre beautiful, theyre hip and they have taken motherhood by storm. These lovely ladies pop kids out and show up on the scene four weeks later with a flat stomach, manicured nails and a fabulous new hairstyle. In short, they look like they took a vacation instead of an intense experience with labor and delivery.
Was there an option I missed when I had my babies? A platinum package or something that was offered to expectant moms? Because apparently, when filling out my hospital admission forms, I checked the wrong box. No one ever asked me, Mrs. Gerlock, would you like the luxury-spa-delivery-option or the youll-never-be-the-same-again delivery experience? I dont know. Maybe they did and I just misinterpreted the second option. I recall being in a bit of pain at the time Perhaps I wasnt paying close attention.
Given the publics obsession with all things celebrity, we mothers now find ourselves having to endure countless images on television, in magazines and on the internet of sexy celebumoms with their perfect children clad in designer clothing attending spectacular events. A very difficult standard for most of us in the real world to live up to.
I dont know about you, but the last time I felt sexy was in 1994 and that was prior to having children. As for the designer clothing, in my family that would be Target. Seriously. I have boys. Boys go through clothes like I go through chocolate bars. And for the record, we dont attend major functions all that much due to the fact that my offspring feel compelled to mortify me at any given opportunity. No worries, Ill get them back. Wait until they are teenagers, I have a plan.
It is not a secret that celebrity moms dont do it alone. They have an army of employees at their beck and call – personal trainers, chefs, nannies, housekeepers, assistants, you name it. What I want to know is how some normal moms seem to be doing it also. I see fabulous mommies everywhere now. Everywhere. It is a horrifying trend.
There are fab mommies at the park. Hip mommies on the PTA, and lets not even discuss the ones who are bikini clad at the pool. Who are these women, where did they come from and how do they look so pulled together?
In light of this new ultra cool mommy movement, I am going to have to rethink my own approach. Seriously, I have no style. How can I compete? I basically pick up random clothing wherever I might be at the moment. Usually it is somewhere like WalMart, Costco or JC Penny. Hey, if it is semi-cute, under $10, and within an arms length its mine!
I just dont have time to be picky anymore. Have you tried wardrobe shopping with two small boys? It cant be done without loosing your sanity. The upside of this strategy is that when the inevitable happens, meaning when one of my children pukes on me, Im not all that upset about it. Just toss the shirt out and go.
In short, I can offer no explanation for the fabulous mom phenomenon. Personally, I think they are all just faking it. That is what Ive decided to believe. It makes me feel better, anyway.