I think this admission may be a bit obvious. Right now, at this moment, I am at a place of just… B L A H.
I feel like blah. I look like blah. I have the motivation of blah.
I don’t know who I am anymore.
What I DO KNOW is that I have settled into somewhat of a rut. I have no passion. I have no desire. I have no conviction. I blame a lot of this on my running injury. I’ve come to realize that running filled a place inside of me that I didn’t expect. I had no idea how empty or lost I would feel without it.
I miss it.
I miss the wind in my hair. I miss my iPod and my silly running mix. I miss my training partners. I miss GU. But most of all, I miss the person that I used to be. I miss that happy, free- spirited gal that people wanted to be around. You know what I think? I think that my running made me feel special, somehow. Made me feel like I was different from everyone else. Now I am kind of lost. I don’t really feel special anymore. And THAT is a bad thing.
Or is it?
I really shouldn’t be feeling this way after only two months. It is ridiculous. It makes me wonder if perhaps I used my running as a crutch or as a surrogate? Not that I know what FOR, exactly…
I just feel like I have lost my marbles somewhere and I can’t find them. Anyone out there know where they are?