My in-laws will be here on Friday.

Oh yes.  THEY WILL.

There are only two things I need to prepare for the inevitable in-law visit:




That is it, really.

The bleach is for EVERY INCH OF MY HOUSE.  I usually get some sort of contact high from the fumes prior to their arrival.  My children run for cover lest they be soaked in a bleach bath.  You see, my mother-in-law is an extremely neat woman.  She doesn’t even leave WATER SPOTS IN THE KITCHEN SINK.  I know.  I think she needs therapy and a hobby.  But I still love her.

The wine is for me… and my father-in-law.  He and I share a common love.  Hey, we are Catholic, you know?  I figure the drunker we get, the cleaner the house looks.  Everyone is happy.

And that is really all it takes to make our relationship work.  Clean house. Large bottle of wine.