God has a sense of humor. I’m telling you – he truly does.
As you know, for a couple of months now I have been going through an inner struggle relating to my life and what I thought I was being called to do. What I (emphasis: ME) thought I was being called to do… Let me ask you something – Have you ever tried to fit yourself into something that is clearly not meant for you? It can make you pretty miserable. It can make your home life pretty miserable. It can consume you.
So, obviously I didn’t listen closely to that voice in my head. I focused on worldly comforts instead and just jumped right in. Mistake.
Serves me right.
I should have waited.
I should have had patience.
I should have listened to my instincts.
So…I have been struggling for months now wondering why I can’t accomplish what I want to accomplish. Why can’t make a difference? Why is this not working out for me? What am I doing wrong? Why am I so POWERLESS?
Gee? I mean, I totally KNEW all along. That small inner voice reaffirmed the answer for me time and time again.
And even through all of my misery, I knew God was there waiting for me to come back and ask him for help. And when I did, he answered so loudly that I laughed OUT LOUD in front of tons of strangers. He has a sense of humor, I’ll give him that.
I guess he needed to be pretty obvious. I have a history of not listening to subtlety. I am usually flying around at a frantic pace and when you are in that mode, the little things get lost on you.
So this particular morning I was feeling blah, having just run the kids to their first Sunday school class. My husband was out of town and I had some time on my hands. Being the miserable wretch that I was, I hadn’t made much of an effort to look decent. I was just hoping for a cup of coffee and a place to work out my issues. So after securing the required caffeine I plopped myself down on marble stoop downtown with my trusty notebook. In the notebook, I wrote out a couple of statements describing the problems in my life… leaving lots of room to write action steps to fix them.
But I couldn’t figure out the action steps. I was just totally drained. I had no inspiration what so ever to solve my problems. I just felt EMPTY.
I’m guessing God wanted my attention at that point because right then the church bells started ringing. I’d never heard them so loud. In the beginning, it was almost annoying… until I caught the song. It was “Jesus Loves Me.” Remember that song from way back in your childhood? I haven’t heard it in years.
It was so loud that my iPod couldn’t have drowned it out.
I had to laugh. He totally got my attention. It was like he was saying, “Can you hear me NOW?!” Funny how he had to be that dramatic, isn’t it?
So now I get the point. He loves me. He is with me and we are gonna work this thing out together. Next time, however, I’m not moving a muscle until I seek bigger help first. If you know what I mean!