I feel like my children are obsessed with me dying. Actually, scratch that. I feel like my children are obsessed with the the way in which I want to die. Or maybe they are just curious? Or maybe they need psychological help? Or maybe they are plotting something?
It seems like every time I turn around they are asking me bizarre random questions about my untimely demise. It usually goes something like this:
BOYS: So, mom. Would you rather die from a shark attack at sea, be thrown into a vat of lava or fall into a pit of snakes?
ME: Err…. none?
BOYS: C’mon, mom. You have to choose something!
ME: Okay, then. I guess lava because it is quicker.
BOYS: Would you rather be eaten by a dinosaur or killed by a Jedi lightsabor?
ME: I don’t know. Why?
BOYS: JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION, MOM!
BOYS: How about a million killer bee stings? Or a giant wall of fire?
ME: Oh for heaven’s sake!
This kind of thing happens all the time. They think up the most ridiculous situations and give me a preference between the two. Which makes me wonder…. Are they plotting against me? Am I in danger, here?
The next time I say no to iCarly on a school night should I look over my shoulder for a dinosaur or a swarm of killer bees?
Or is it all some kind of pre-pubescent male mommy mind trick?
Call me crazy but I am beginning to feel like perhaps we should seek family counseling.