I’ve been married to the same man for almost 14 years.
I don’t mention that man very often on the blog because we’ve agreed on the fact that I won’t write about him without his knowledge and express consent.
Don’t judge. It keeps us happily married.
But today is different. Today I am going to reveal all. Because I just realized that for the past 14 years, hubby and I have endlessly engaged in the same marital debates over and over and over again. So annoying!
He thinks he is right. I know that I am. It is just that simple, of course.
The pressing issues consist of….
Fat Elvis Vs. Skinny Elvis: Look, I know that Elvis is “the king” and all but I personally DON’T THINK HE IS COOL. I’ve heard the music. I’ve been to Graceland. I only associate him with the fat, sweaty Elvis. Elvis the cliche. Elvis the peanut butter and banana sandwich eater. Elvis wearing those awful Vegas jumpsuits. Hubby’s brain, on the other hand, conjures up images of cool 1950’s leather wearing Elvis. He doesn’t understand how I don’t “get the whole Elvis thing.” Sigh. Forget it. Pass more fried pickles, babe.
To Celery Or Not To Celery: Celery is a vile nasty mutant vegetable that should be given only to rabbits. My husband, on the other hand, believes that it should make an appearance in our diet and even accompany our (gasp!) tuna and egg salad. Dear God! Who is this man that I pledged my eternal love to?
Music Selection Or “Stick A Fork In My Eye Please”: I love my man. I swear, I do. He gifted me with a true appreciation of country music. REAL country music like Johnny Cash and Kris Kristofferson. I admit it – I listen to country music. I’m a fan. My guy and I agree on country music and 80’s music. But that, my friends, is where we part ways. I like punk, heavy metal and massive guitar riffs and he, well, he tends to appreciate DIFFERENT music. Ahem. That is all you need to know. When I listen to his music for more than 20 minutes I feel the tremendous urge to stick a fork in my eye.
Yes, You Can Clean The House Without Using A Label Maker Thankyouverymuch: This is where I admit to loathing the man that I am pledged to eternity with. This man can accomplish cleanliness-type-things in our house 50x faster than I can. I don’t know WHY and I don’t know HOW but damn if he doesn’t do it faster and better than I do EVERY TIME. Which ticks me off and makes me cranky… especially when it involves label makers. My husband loves using label makers. If he had it his way, he would label the whole God-forsaken house. He would even label ME. Which, depending on the day, might not be so appropriate for underage eyeballs if you know what I mean. Why do we need to label the cabinet shelves with things like “soup” or “snacks” or “protein shakes?” IS IT REALLY NECESSARY, HONEY?
Imagine 14 years of these type of debates. I’m a saint. Right?
What debates rage on it your home?