I must be a complete and utter failure at this parenting thing. In the years that my children have been alive (9 year old and 11 year old) they have learned nothing from me. Oh sure they can accomplish one or two things on their own, none of which are basic life skills. At this rate, there is absolutely no way these boys will be able to live out on their own any time in the next, say, 50 years.

Can you say PARENTING FAIL?!

FOR EXAMPLE:

What they CAN do: Communicate with each other using their own specially created language complete with code names and secret encrypted messages.

What they CAN’T do: Find matching socks. Hell, I would settle for them finding the sock DRAWER once in awhile.

What they CAN do: Shoot a moving target (read: me) from miles away with pinpoint precision using an uber hi-powered totally tricked out Nerf gun thingamajig.

What they CAN’T do: Aim and/or flush the toilet.  Is it really that hard? Are they lacking some vital fine motor skill that I am unaware of that would enable the completion of either of these tasks?

What they CAN do: Memorize and recite the fine details regarding every rock, fossil and gemstone found both here and abroad.

What they CAN’T do: Remember to brush their teeth. (Selective memory much?)

What they CAN do: Climb the entire tree house structure in Port Discovery in five seconds flat with absolutely no assistance or guidance.

What they CAN’T do: Open a door.

What they CAN do: Create an intricate two foot tall replica of Hogwart’s Castle made entirely of graham crackers, marshmallows, icing, M&Ms and pretzels.

What they CAN’T do: Make a sandwich.

I’m beginning to see a pattern here. Slightly important life skills = FAIL  Ridiculosity = MASTERY

Let’s blame their father.