I’m not sure this qualifies as an actual blog post but sometimes I just have to share some of the stuff that my kids say to me. HA-FREAKING-LARIOUS.

I mean, really?

On the subject of inappropriate language: “Mom, sometimes there are these bad words floating around in my head and I’ve just got to let them out.” (I totally understand, dude. Totally. Understand. Sometimes I feel the same way. Instead of saying it, I drink.)

On the subject of girls: “Why do girls stare at me when I have my hair like this? I mean, it is just HAIR. Why do they keep LOOOKING? So weird. I don’t understand.” (It is your own fault for having Justin Bieber hair, child. Maybe they think you are CUTE? Or maybe you have a booger hanging out of your nose. It’s a toss-up.)

“Selena Gomez is so hot. When do you think we will get married?” (Hopefully sooner than later. You are driving me nuts with the Selena talk. Do you really need to say it 3,459 times a day? At least you’re not referring to the quality of her certain body parts yet. The day that happens I will run away.)

On the subject of growing up: “Mom? When is THE PUBERTY going to get here? I wish it would hurry up! I really want a deep voice like a man and you know, hair under my arms. But I am not wearing deodorant. No way. Not me. Oh and can I date when I am like, 23? Is that okay?” (Oh. For. The. Love. Of…. “THE PUBERTY?” Well, the puberty gets here when it gets here and you’ll get hair in more places than that little man. By the way, if you don’t want to wear deodorant then you will not only be grounded for life but you will also never date. Sorry to break the news to you, but that is just a fact.)

Random and not my kid but still classic: “There is this kid who lives near me and he is a devil. Even his mom says so. His name is Justin. My mom says he is a piece of work and is probably going to jail.” (Awesome.)