Motherhood Guilt: How Dare We Take Time For Ourselves?
Moms and guilt. They go together like peanut butter and jelly. Like peas and carrots. Like gray hair and sleepless nights.
I can’t tell you how much I wrestle with this issue. As you well know by now, I am not a stay at home mother. I am a working mother which, to be frank, adds another layer to the guilt cake that I serve up each day.
It is extremely hard not to compare myself to other mothers. When I see a mother playing with her kids on the playground while I am on my way to a meeting, it is hard not to feel slightly unfit to hold the “mommy” title. And you can forget taking time away for myself on top of all of that. I mean, how dare I? I am already away from them so much as it is, right? <heavy sigh> Like I said, I wrestle with this issue constantly. It seems like there is just no way to avoid the trappings of mommy guilt.
I recently read a post by Cara at Land of Bean. She did a great post (I encourage you to read it!) about being a mom, her need to recharge and guilt. An excerpt:
“I don’t feel guilty when I leave my daughter. Not for a couple of hours with her father or a trusted family member. And not for a long weekend away. My time away from my daughter is regenerative for me. I NEED those hours and sometimes days to rediscover my love for being a stay at home mom. Do I miss her? Absolutely. But guilt? No way.
There is no other profession that doesn’t allow for vacation days*. And I see myself as a professional mommy. I don’t just want that time for myself, I DESERVE it. There is no expectation of a full three week vacation each year. I’m not even expecting a whole week, but I do expect some time for myself.”
Go Cara!
You know, I recently read an article in Working Mother Magazine on Anatomy of Guilt by Ilisa Cohen. While that article was chock full of excellent advice on dealing with the subject, I found one quote particularly thought provoking:
“I don’t believe in guilt. Live on impulse as long as you never intentionally hurt another person. You should live completely free.” – Angelina Jolie.
What do you think about that concept? Living completely free? Thinking about it that way, taking time for yourself seems a little bit easier to do.
What are your thoughts? How do you tackle your own mom (or dad) guilt?
RESOURCE: Got Mom Guilt?
I think the more we get out and do for ourselves and realize that our kids are ok, the easier the guilt passes. However I have seen some parents that SHOULD feel guilty for the crazy humongous amount of “ME” time they take, so it’s a balance for sure.
linda recently posted..Where in LA is Barbie
Twitter: Carabee
says:
Thanks! Obviously, I don’t have guilt, but I spend 95% of my life devoted to my child’s well-being and happiness. That 5% of me time keeps me going.
Carabee recently posted..16-404
I think you sound like a great mom! I’m the mother of two teenagers and I so recognize your feeling of guilt and your need to do something that is just for you. Don’t feel guilty (easy to say) about taking some time for yourself now and then. Of course kids grow up so fast, and then you will have all the time in the world for yourself.
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JennieG
Twitter: mammamania
Reply:
July 7th, 2010 at 11:16 AM
Thank you so much for the support. Yes, they are seriously growing up fast. Just trying to do the best that I can, you know?