MY MAN WILL NEVER LEAVE.

It’s become a joke, actually.

The husband and I have a solid routine in the morning. We get up at a stupid early hour and work out. We then part ways while he gets himself ready for work and I clean up the piles of dishes left in the sink make coffee and breakfast. If I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside and he hasn’t tried to kill me during that morning’s workout then I’ll even make his lunch for the day. I know, right? I’m kinda awesome and I’m for hire.

And like clockwork, while the man is eating, I start to get tapping-my-foot antsy. I don’t do it on purpose or anything. It is just that I need him to LEAVE. Immediately.

Because, y’all, I have things to DO.

He, of course, wants to talk. And SPEND TIME TOGETHER.

Oh for the love of God. At the precise moment that he wants to chat about life, I am mentally going over my “to-do” list for the day. And people, my list is long and unforgiving and kinda depressing. So, yeah, I don’t want to spend time with anyone except for an awesome assistant-type who can tackle half of my list and make dinner with a smile on her face.

But being the awesomeness that I am I spend said time with hubby and impatiently see him off to work.

But he never leaves.

Because he forgets something.

Or two things.

Sometimes the bugger even drives away and comes back and I have to let him in. If he times it well enough I will be in the shower and have to run sopping wet downstairs to answer the door before the kids wake up.

Those are special days. Really, really special days.

Now, don’t get all enraged on me. I love him, of course. And he knows how I feel.

It takes all sorts of self confidence to be willing to accept the fact that your wife doesn’t want you around, dontcha think?