Tiny Ninja brought home the official “Middle School Handbook” today.

Middle. School. Handbook.

Un-freakin-believable.

He unceremoniously handed it to me along with his other papers and went back to his homework like it WASN’T EVEN A THING.

I could barely touch it.

Opening the manual I found two other rather shocking documents inside – an announcement for NEXT WEEK’S middle school open house and a registration form for his 2011-2012 class schedule.

I felt like my head was spinning. I knew the day was coming, of course. I just wasn’t ready for it so soon. SO VERY, VERY, VERY SOON.

People, he still believes in Santa Claus. And he hasn’t even ONCE asked how babies are made.

Sigh. I had better get  on that, huh?

In discussing the while middle school subject further with my little man I’ve learned that there are three (or four) major things that every male 5th grader is looking forward to regarding middle school:

1. Lack of lines (Rumor has it that nobody stands in lines in middle school. It’s a pretty big deal. All the kids are talking about it. It’s anarchy.)

2.Vending machines (Oh. Dear. Lord. You. Can. Buy. Soda. Any. Time. You. Want.  It’s heaven on Earth.)

3. Combination locks (The most exciting thing since sliced bread. Locks! On Lockers! Locking lockers that stay locked! It’s lock-tastic!)

4. The introduction of boobs. (Okay, I’m making this up. I can’t confirm or deny that this is being discussed but I have a pretty good hunch.)

So now I am being forced to deal with the dreaded “middle school” transition. I’m seriously not sure I am up for this…

Help?

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