Why are you hiding?

I’ve been asking myself that question for at least two weeks.

In that time I’ve written and removed two blog posts, then came up with three other ideas and didn’t write any of them.

Why? Because it’s safer.

Writing is sharing a piece of myself without knowing how it will be received, and that feels really risky. 

The above is an excerpt from a post written by Lauree  Ostrofsky of Simply Leap. I met Lauree years ago at an event and have followed her (okay, stalked her) online ever since.

When her newsletter dropped into my email box today it gave me pause. You see, I suffer from the same concerns and the very same write/edit/delete syndrome. It was like reading my own journal.

Putting it out there is incredibly scary.

Since opening up my own company a few years ago, I’ve suffered near paralysis when it came to  this blog. I was so afraid of saying the wrong thing, offending someone or somehow hurting the business’ brand.

Now that I no longer own that company (What? I didn’t tell you that? My bad.) one would expect that things should be slowly returning back to normal on this blog but, to my dismay, they have not.

I’m more than a little blocked.

Quite frankly, I’m scared of revealing too much. I’m worried that others won’t like what I have to say. I’m worried that I’ll hurt my own personal brand. I’m worried that it will be used against me somehow.

As I type, I have doubts circling around in my brain and second guess every sentence that I write.

I’ve become a bit of a sissy-pants.

Not. Cool.

I have a friend who I’ve grown close to in the past few months. She is whip smart and unapologetically brazen.  It is mesmerizing. She puts it out there to the world and let me tell you, the world eats it up.

She is not hiding. She is not scared and she is DEFINITELY not a sissy pants. It is inspiring.

My challenge in going forward is to forget you people. I’m sorry, but I just have to forget you. Well, maybe not ALL of you but most definitely the ones that paralyze me.

If I think too hard about you, I won’t be able to create.

And it is time to start writing for me again. Time to emote, make mistakes and to admit I’m human and messy and fun and slightly (okay, perhaps more than slightly) over-the-top.

I don’t want to hide any longer.

(As an aside, don’t Google “sissy pants.” You simply can’t unsee them. You’re welcome.)