I ran a marathon a little over a month ago. If you were to live in my body right now, you would never, ever suspect that it could accomplish such a feat.

I’m tired.

Like, really tired.

I’m unmotivated.

I feel physically drained ALL THE TIME. (Not to mention the fact that I’m all sorts of squishy where I should be firm.)

I’m cranky and irritable.

I’m downright unhealthy. And it is affecting my entire life in ways I’ve never experienced before.

This has GOT TO CHANGE. And it has to change RIGHT NOW.

I really should stop my diatribe right now and mention that I have no one to blame for this but myself. I work a lot. (Who, doesn’t right?!)When I’m not working, I’m reading up on my industry and trying to learn more. (So hard to constantly keep up!) I have two children, a husband, a cat and a house to take care of. Just like many other women (and men, of course) I put myself DEAD LAST on that list.

Taking care of my own needs at a level above maintenance (read: fed and somewhat presentable) seems incredibly selfish.

My thought is that if I am taking time for me then I am taking precious time away from someone or something else. It seems I am always at odds with myself and have a constant, ever pressing feeling of guilt.

Ironically, the culmination of those consistent choices to ignore my own needs have lead me (and my family) to a pretty lackluster existence as of late.

Did I mention the fact that I’m tired and cranky? (I am soooo not fun to be around at the moment.)

I’m slowly beginning to realize that if I feel good physically and emotionally then I will probably be able to better care and love the people around me.I’ll be a better mother. A better wife. A better family member, friend and co-worker.

I know this has to be true. It just makes sense. Yet, still I have to force myself to think and take steps towards my own happiness and health.

This may seem silly to most but in order to get over my ingrained thought process, I’m going to try to think of my upcoming life change as an “experiment” in selfishness. Basically, not permanent until proven effective.

Let’s see where it leads…