I hate horses.
Okay, maybe HATE is too strong a word but DISLIKE isn’t. I strongly dislike horses. I’m sorry, but it is true. When I was 14 I was literally RUN OVER BY A HORSE. Yup. Hoof prints right up my back.
Not my most awesome day.
Since that fateful incident, I’ve kept my distance from horses and horse people. And you won’t catch me watching a horse movie, either. Not gonna happen, man.
So it was with much trepidation that I agreed to attend a charity function celebrating – wait for it – the Kentucky Derby. It all came about due to the fact that the magazine was a sponsor of the shindig produced by the United Way of Frederick County.
And then the husband agreed to go.
It was only after I pulled the trigger on our attendance, that I found out about the need for alarmingly expensive headgear. I’m not sure if it is a fashion rule per se, but I’ll be damned if every single picture of a woman attending a Derby themed function doesn’t have a ginormous hat in it.
They are EVERYWHERE.
Suffice it to say, I’ve never had a reason to invest in a gigantic hat. Because I don’t a.) live in England and b.) attend polo matches or country club functions every weekend.
So I bought one. A giant black (natch) number with a rather large flower perched on it.
I felt ridiculous, of course.
I discovered quite quickly that if one does not practice sauntering around in said hat, one will be a mobile hazard to both themselves and others. I’m absolutely not kidding. Within 10 minutes I ruined my pedicure and almost poked my husband’s eye out. (In the wrong hands, hats can double as damn good weapons.)
But I wore the weapon of mass destruction to the horse event anyway. I figured I could take out any wiley equine if the need arose. Thankfully the mint juleps (Bourbon, Y’all) were flowing freely and I was able to relax and enjoy myself. I even got into the Derby a bit. (Mad props to the bourbon.)
In case you were wondering, my husband made it out alive and without further scarring. However, he has forbidden me from wearing more hats until I am properly trained.
As an aside, the event was tons of fun and the organization plans to host it again in 2015. I will certainly be in attendance and will hopefully have more experience in the fine art of hat selection.