When I lived in Nashville many years ago, my husband and I met this fantastic couple who lived in our apartment building. They were smart, witty, upwardly mobile and truly fun to be around. We became friends and soon found ourselves invited into their inner circle. Their group consisted of couples who had grown up together and spent time together socially very often. There were cook-outs, happy hours, shopping and bunko nights.
I loved every minute of it.
But secretly I was intimidated by the women who made up the group. I longed to be like them. (They were beautiful! They had houses! Babies! Careers!) I wanted them to accept me as an equal and embrace me into the group.
I totally blew it.
Oh, for awhile I was part of that friendship circle but slowly I became left out. The invitations were slower to come. The conversation became stilted.
Me and my insecurities.
I was so eager to impress these ladies and feel like I “belonged” that I ended up on the outside looking in.
What in the world did I do to find myself in that position?
Talked too much. Listed my accomplishments. Name dropped. Was generally annoying. You get the picture, right?
I was trying to prove to them (and myself) that I belonged. Trying to show them that I was worthwhile. I wanted to convince them that I was cool enough and smart enough and good enough to be part of their gang.
I took insecurity to a new level, people. (Truly. I should have an award named after me. Believe me, I earned it.)
I’d like to say that I’ve conquered that character flaw. That I’m no longer insecure and trying to prove my worth. But, alas, it is something I still struggle with. (Although I’m far less annoying and no longer prone to name drop.)
Over time I have found myself becoming more secure and confident. I no longer feel the need to try so hard to highlight my accomplishments and prove that I have a right to be there. I can be authentic and vulnerable and I’m okay with that.
I have learned to let myself be and know that I am enough.
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you are trying too hard?