If I could pick one word to sum up the last six months of my life it would be CHANGE.
So. Much. Change.
Honestly, when I think back on what I was doing six months ago I hardly recognize myself.
Everything is different. Lifemageddon happened. Priorities shifted.
Because of this, I knew something major had to happen.
And it happened in the form of a new job opportunity. A job opportunity that quite literally fell into my lap.
Mind you, I had a job that I loved with people I considered family. And that, my friends, was the problem. As much as I loved my work family, they were not my actual family. And my actual family was in crisis and needed me.
It’s painful to admit, but I’ve not always put my husband and children first. I’ve gotten caught up in my work and neglected them more times than I care to recall. I’m a career-driven woman who thrives on professional success and that, sadly, doesn’t always jive with juggling a busy household.
<Insert intense guilt here/>
In the back of my mind I always knew I should do better for my family. (Although I didn’t always admit it out loud to my husband or childen.)
When the new job opportunity presented itself I couldn’t ignore it.
No commute. Better hours. A positive atmosphere. A fun industry. More hours to myself. And the ability to walk away from the computer without guilt or repercussion.
It seemed too good to be true.
But it wasn’t.
And as obvious as the choice might have been to others, it was a struggle for me. Other than the long hours, I felt I had no reason to leave. I felt guilty. Like I was taking the easy way out. Like somehow that meant I wasn’t a strong enough or powerful enough woman. Like I was inferior. Like I couldn’t handle the juggle of career and family. Like I was a failure.
Yes, I felt like a failure.
In the end I make the sensible choice choosing to leave the job that I loved and the coworkers that were like family. I cried a lot. I floundered a bit. But I quickly found that my new job allowed me the freedom of reinvention. (And a supportive atmosphere with people who were lovely.)
Most importantly, my new job gave me the gift of time again. And I am choosing to use that time to be a better mother and spouse.
It’s a choice I should have made a long time ago.