You ever look at yourself in a picture or in the mirror and think: Whoa? Is that really what I look like? Or feeling like you’re 110 years old and grossly out of shape? Yeah, me too.

I’ve been struggling with this for some time now. And by that I mean for the past two and a half years.

When my husband had a health scare in 2015 it really rocked our world. So I decided to take a conscious step back on my personal priority list and instead focused all of my energy on him, relieving his stresses and rearranging our lives. I changed jobs and stopped most of the activities I previously enjoyed. And, quite predictably, I packed on the pounds.

For the first time in my life I hit a BMI range that wasn’t healthy and moved into the “obese” category. I bought a bigger clothing size (twice) and steered clear of mirrors. Like, way clear. 

I stopped going to social functions and put permissions on my Facebook page that didn’t let others tag me in photos. I chose clothing that covered as much as humanly possible. I wore only black. I basically hid.

girl hiding

But worst of all was the fact that I slowly lost myself and I lost my joy. And THAT has affected everyone I’ve come in contact with, especially my family.

Now in the interest of being honest, I can’t blame my husband’s health scare and the resulting life changes for this body change of mine. I can only blame myself.

I buried myself in the “I don’t have time,” “I’m too tired,” and “I can’t afford a gym” mindset. Which is not even a little accurate. We all have the same amount of time in a day, it is just a matter of prioritizing the hours we have and deciding how to best spend them. I mean, I love a good Law & Order marathon but at the end of the day, it isn’t going to do wonders for my health. (Although Olivia Benson is one of my faves, not gonna lie.)

Ch-ch-ch-change

Things have got to change. That’s pretty clear. Its easy to say but difficult to execute if you’re not in the right mindset.

One day last week I woke up and was just ready. I was tired of my own bullshit. On that day I made a decision to change everything. So I gave myself a good talking to, made some plans and assembled a squad of like-minded people.

Since I’m a writer (and over-sharer) by nature, I decided to document my journey online because I’ve found a tribe of people who inspire me personally and maybe, just maybe, I can do the same for someone else on the internets.

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The plan

When my kids were younger and I faced a similar weight challenge, I became involved in Weight Watchers. There were meetings at a local church where the women were friendly and the support was uplifting. I loved it. I was tremendously successful with that type of accountability so it makes sense to seek out that same system once again to bring me back on track.

The new plan, called Freestyle, is wayyyyyy different than back in the day. I’m thrilled because it aligns with the clean eating that my family enjoys not to mention the fact that there is a whole mental aspect to this new plan that helps you focus on positive self-image and small victories. PERFECT.

Accountability

This is where you come in. Whoever you are.

I need to be accountable. So, I plan to post about my journey every Sunday for whomever wants to read it. My ups, my downs, my victories, my challenges… I’ll put it all out there. Hopefully someone will find comfort and/or inspiration.

Hiding is no longer an option.