The times, they are a changin’ for us moms. Gone are the days when we could arrive on the scene sans makeup, clad on in a stained t-shirt, un-matching pants and a hat.  Oh yes, those days are long gone.  There is a new standard – perfection.

Truthfully, I blame the recent wave of celebumoms. I am talking about the likes of Victoria Beckham, Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry, and Heidi Klum…  They’re beautiful, they’re hip and they have taken motherhood by storm.  These lovely ladies pop kids out and show up on the scene four weeks later with a flat stomach, manicured nails and a fabulous new hairstyle.  In short, they look like they took a vacation instead of an intense experience with labor and delivery.

Was there an option I missed when I had my babies? A “platinum” package or something that was offered to expectant moms?  Because apparently, when filling out my hospital admission forms, I checked the wrong box.  No one ever asked me, “Mrs. Gerlock, would you like the luxury-spa-delivery-option or the you’ll-never-be-the-same-again delivery experience?”  I don’t know.  Maybe they did and I just misinterpreted the second option.  I recall being in a bit of pain at the time…  Perhaps I wasn’t paying close attention.

Given the public’s obsession with all things celebrity, we mothers now find ourselves having to endure countless images on television, in magazines and on the internet of sexy celebumoms with their perfect children clad in designer clothing attending spectacular events.  A very difficult standard for most of us in the real world to live up to.

I don’t know about you, but the last time I felt sexy was in 1994 and that was prior to having children. As for the designer clothing, in my family that would be Target.  Seriously.  I have boys.  Boys go through clothes like I go through chocolate bars.  And for the record, we don’t attend major functions all that much due to the fact that my offspring feel compelled to mortify me at any given opportunity.  No worries, I’ll get them back.  Wait until they are teenagers, I have a plan.

It is not a secret that celebrity moms don’t do it alone.  They have an army of employees at their beck and call – personal trainers, chefs, nannies, housekeepers, assistants, you name it.  What I want to know is how some “normal” moms seem to be doing it also. I see fabulous mommies everywhere now.  Everywhere.  It is a horrifying trend.

There are fab mommies at the park.  Hip mommies on the PTA, and let’s not even discuss the ones who are bikini clad at the pool. Who are these women, where did they come from and how do they look so pulled together?

In light of this new ultra cool mommy movement, I am going to have to rethink my own approach.  Seriously, I have no style.  How can I compete?  I basically pick up random clothing wherever I might be at the moment. Usually it is somewhere like WalMart, Costco or JC Penny.  Hey, if it is semi-cute, under $10, and within an arm’s length– it’s mine!

I just don’t have time to be picky anymore.  Have you tried wardrobe shopping with two small boys?  It can’t be done without loosing your sanity.  The upside of this strategy is that when the inevitable happens, meaning when one of my children pukes on me, I’m not all that upset about it.  Just toss the shirt out and go.

In short, I can offer no explanation for the fabulous mom phenomenon.  Personally, I think they are all just faking it. That is what I’ve decided to believe.  It makes me feel better, anyway.

Tags: beautiful, celebrity, cool, designer, fabulous, hip, Mommy Mania, motherhood, PTA, puke, Really Random

Spending time with your little ones can be devastating to your self-esteem sometimes. They can be pretty frank with their opinions and observations.

Case in point… I was spending time with one of my little men this morning.  We were having, what I thought, was a nice meaningful mom-and-son conversation filled with love and happiness and all of that terrific Hallmark card kind of sappiness.  I was enjoying myself.

Then out of the blue, and in mid-sentence, my youngster says to me, “You know what momma?”

“What, honey?

“You have wrinkles.  Didja know that?”

Terrific.  He then proceeded to point out (in case I hadn’t spotted them yet) all of the various places on my face where the wrinkles were now residing.

THRILLING conversation, people.  Thrilling.

It was not exactly a Hallmark moment anymore.  Especially when he pointed out that MY HUSBAND, who is a good five years older than me, does not have any.

I should have grounded him.  Instead I walked calmly away and did a Google search on Botox.

UPDATE (3 days later): The psychological torture continues. My oldest just told me I looked like I was going to have a baby.  My husband hushed him and explained why that wasn’t necessarily considered a nice thing to say to a woman who is actually NOT pregnant.  He seemed genuinely puzzled when he said, “But dad, she DOES.”

Tags: botox, google, Hallmark, Kid Mania, love, observations, old, opinions, self esteem, wrinkles

Um, am I on another PLANET? Has everyone out there gone NUTS?!  I’m almost speechless.

The latest offering from Chia (you know, the makers of the “cha-cha-cha-chia pet”) is apparently, Chia OBAMA. Yeah, that one.  The leader of the free world.  According to news reports… “This Chia comes in two different styles: “happy” Obama and “determined” Obama.”

Oh, goody!  We have a choice.  I feel so much better now.

Tags: chia pet, crazy town, obama, Politics

I was raised by a very imaginative woman. My mother has  the most interesting view of the world around her.  Everything is filled with magic and possibilities.  She is the world’s biggest believer in Santa, has a “real” fairy door mounted on her wall and has always (SERIOUSLY) wanted to be Peter Pan.  She is a barrel of fun and quite a handful!

This is the world in which I grew up.

Because I was raised with this attitude, I also tend to be open to the wonder and magic in the everyday details.  (Not to mention see the humor where others do not.) This is especially true when I am around children.

About six months ago my kids and I discovered the movie Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium. You might have seen it.  Perhaps not.  My kids were given the DVD as a present.

I  L O V E D IT.

Not the acting or the special effects, what I loved MOST of all was the message about believing (finding the magic) in yourself.

There is one specific scene from the film that made a lasting impression on me.  It is when Mr. Magorium is about to “depart.”  He takes his apprentice Mahoney’s face in his hands and says to her, “You life is an occasion.  Rise to it.”

Gave me chills.

I think that quote is my favorite of all time.  It is so relevant.  It is so inspiring.  I repeat it to my children, often.  I never want them to forget it.

Tags: Inspiration, magic, Mommy Mania, movie, quote, wonder

This study accounts for not only the time in front of the mirror but also but also “a massive amount of preparation and preening” as well as checking out five or six shops and a handful of websites.  They go on to report that 3/4 of women will have their hair done, 13% will get a fake tan, 27% a pedicure or manicure, 18% will have a waxing session and 13% will go for a facial.   Some ambitious ladies will even get a fix of  Botox prior to an event and treat themselves to teeth whitening.

I personally think this study is a bit bogus.  Just a publicity stunt to get their name known.  (Which absolutely worked, by the way.  Kudos to them.) I know some high-maintenance women but none of them even come close to being a 23 hour women.

Thoughts?  Comments?  Are YOU a 23 hour woman?

Tags: beauty, getting ready, occasion, primping