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I’ve completely lost him.

He is gone.

Selena has him now.  My little nine year old is totally and completely over the moon for Selena Gomez.  I know that we’ve discussed this before and I really hate to harp on it but the level to which my son has taken this crush is so UNEXPECTED.

She is everywhere.

On the TV. My iPad. The wall. The ceiling.

He watches videos and he sings the songs.  He calls her “H O T.”  Repeatedly.  Which, of course, I am not pleased with at all.

Being a naturally inquisitive type of person (and a slightly horrified mother) I asked him this morning why he keeps calling her “hot.”  What exactly hot MEANS.  Why not “pretty” or “beautiful?”  Young Jedi says it is because hot means really, really beautiful. Duh. As opposed to JUST beautiful.  Um, okay then.

And get this, now he wants to celebrate Selena’s birthday on July 22nd.  He wants to have a couple of pals over and eat Rocky Road ice cream (her favorite) and listen to her songs.

Cute, right?  Cute AND disturbing at the same time.  Truth be told, I wasn’t expecting to be replaced this soon.

I’m clearly not taking this well.

What happened to my baby?

You ever catch a conversation between your children that makes you want to laugh out loud?  Or perhaps makes you wince because you are anticipating your future teenager and/or therapy bill?

Happens to me all the time, I swear.  Thought I would share this little ditty overheard from the back seat of my car yesterday:

Young Jedi to Tiny Ninja – “There is only one rule that I follow, dude:  There ARE NO RULES.  And sometimes I don’t follow THAT one.  But it is okay, it’s how I roll.”

I think I am in trouble.

You know you are officially a soccer mom when you travel for a tournament. As in, stay for the night.  As in, spend way too much money to spend two days in the sweltering heat watching soccer games.

Which is where I was this weekend.  We participated in a tournament in Hershey, PA on Saturday and Sunday.  Hershey, people!! Home of Hershey Park and Hershey yumminess!  Total and complete happiness.  Stuff of my dreams, man.

Traveling to Hershey, to me, means  four things:

• Chocolate.
• World renowned spas.
• Chocolate being used as facials in the world renowned spas!
• Mommy sneaking away to visit said chocolate facial giving spa!!

Reality was slightly different.  Closest I got to chocolate in my dreamland was a  spoon of my son’s Frosty at Wendy’s on the way home.  Meh.

Aside from the chocolate letdown, our family did have a blast (despite the sweltering heat) and I learned a few things about life and boys and soccer which, alas, I am too tired to relay at this moment.  What I CAN tell you is that bringing 16 children to a restaurant for dinner is not the best idea if you would like to emerge with your reputation still in tact.  Which is why I drank wine and pretended like I had never seen those children before in my life.  Soooo much better for the psyche.

Little man was MVP on Sunday

Preferred mode of transportation for the weekend

My nine year old, who I affectionately call Young Jedi, is a very astute young man.  Like, VERY, VERY astute if you know what I mean.  Way too smart and savvy for his own good.  He seems to understand things way beyond his years.  It is frightening.

So yesterday morning the boys and I were watching the Today Show waiting for my pal @MaryMac to come on and school Matt Lauer on Silly Bandz.  Now, normally I never get control of the television.  It is all Sponge Bob or Fineas & Ferb all morning.  Mamma gets no real grown up time.

In any event, a segment came on about women going grey and our obsession with dying our hair instead of letting the grey show. The Jedi was fascinated and perplexed. (I wish I had taken a picture.) I could tell from his face that he just didn’t “get it.”

He looked at me and asked, “Mamma?  Are you gonna dye your hair too?  You know, when you get grey hairs?”

Me: “Buddy, I ALREADY DO.”

Jedi: (Wide-eyed horror)  “You DO?  Why?  Like, since WHEN?”

Me: “Like, since you were BORN, child.  Since you were born.”

Jedi: “What does THAT mean?

Me: “Think about it, kid.”

Jedi: (Smirking)….”Heh! Cool. So can I watch Spongebob now?”

Which reminds me, I need to get to the salon…. FAST.

It is finally here.  The day I have been dreading.  The day where I officially become the “un-cool mom.”  The day where I admit to the world that I JUST DON’T GET IT!

What don’t I get, you ask?

AHEM - Silly Bandz

My kids are nuts for them.

Young Jedi is nutso for the bandz!

My take:  If you collect Silly Bandz they can cost a trillion dollars, schools are banning them and they break when you look at them sideways.  Which, of course, hasn’t stopped them from being the ultimate cool thing.  Or me from buying them for the kids.

It is an amazing thing, these bandz.

I’ve learned that they are KID CURRENCY and a KID STATUS SYMBOL. Kids count them, trade them and try to get their hands on the silly bands that are the most RARE. (Fantasy pack!) And they cry in devastation when the bands break.  Cause you know, life is all about the the flimsy colored rubber stuff.  DUH, mom.

Most importantly, they are a great equalizer.  Doesn’t matter who you are, how much money you have, how many friends you do or don’t have… you can still trade the bandz and be included.  That, to me, is cool.

That being said, I still don’t entirely “get it.”  But I sure wish I had invented it!

BTW: Wanna know the mastermind who invented the phenomenon?  His name is Rob Croak and he is from Toledo Ohio.  Fascinating article and video about the company behind the craze by USA Today here.

Yesterday I had the glorious opportunity to chaperone my third grader’s field trip to the Maryland Science Center in Baltimore.

What you need to know before I begin my tale is that I was a field trip virgin.  Partly because, as a working mom, I haven’t had much opportunity to accompany my little ones on field trips and partly because my name was never drawn in the classroom lottery.

I was a newbie.  A  “green” mom.  In other words: FRESH MEAT.

My son personally picked his posse of pals for me to accompany.  TERRIFIC.  I sensed danger from the moment I was handed my list.  Thankfully, one of my gaggle of four boys had the flu.  I remember looking with pity on the other parent chaperones and thinking, “Woo hoo!  Only have three kids.  This will be EASY!’

How wrong I was.

First thing I did wrong that day was forget to pack a lunch.  In my naivete I thought that I could just stop by the ole snack bar and get myself a little something to take the edge off.  Like a coffee.  Or a sandwich.  Perhaps a muffin?

OH NO.

We went straight to the brown bag area and I ended up mournfully watching my group power down a lunches fit for seven women. We are talking massive amounts of food, people.  Only my own offspring offered me some Doritos. Swell.  (My son’s teacher did take pity on me and offer me her sandwich, which I declined because I felt like an ass.)

After the feasting it was then time to explore and by that I mean sprint to the nearest exhibit.  They were immediately touching this and flicking that and whooping and hollering and just having themselves a merry ole time.  I tried to corral them long enough to get them to find the answers to a scavenger hunt that we were SUPPOSED TO FOLLOW.  I pretty much gave up on that nonsense in the first 20 minutes.  There was no focusing these boys. How was I supposed to find out what the NAME of the Maryland State dinosaur was when I was too busy pulling them OFF OF THE DISPLAY of the Maryland State Dinosaur?

Just a guess, but I am pretty sure you are not supposed to climb up a 20 foot dino display.

You wanna know the exhibits that were of specific fascination to my little hoodlums, I mean, boys?  The bed of nails and the blood lab.

Surprised?  Yeah, me neither.

I’ll have you know that on the way home, I totally fell asleep.  I was EXHAUSTED.  Think what you want, jut know that I wasn’t the only parent snoozing away.  Every. Single. One. Of. Us. Dozed. Off.

So what did I learn from my little classroom outing?  NEXT TIME, ASK FOR A GROUP OF GIRLS.

GUESS WHAT? I’m up for a “Best Parenting Blog” nomination from Nickelodeon’s Parent’s Connect!  Won’t you vote for me?  Do it here!

My 4th grader is studying government in school these days.  Which basically means that my husband and I are now studying government as well.  (Because, as you know, that is how it works with kids.) Truthfully, it is a nice refresher course for his mommy and daddy who have forgotten a couple of details about the whole election process.

I am a little concerned for the little guy though.  He has a test coming up and I am worried that he is  going to FAIL big time.  Why?  HE CAN’T EVEN PRONOUNCE THE WORDS.  I don’t care how many times I go over it with him – he can’t seem to get it right.  It is like he has a huge mental block prohibiting him from pronouncing it correctly.  If he can’t pronounce the words, how in the world is he going to remember what they mean?

Fail or no fail…. we are having a hilarious time studying.  I figured I would share a bit:

Politics has never been so hilarious!