On Thursday night, the kids and I were invited to an advanced look at the Maryland Science Center’s new fully interactive exhibit Harry’s Big Adventure: My Bug World presented by Terminix.

What a night.

Hosted by Harry, a Chinese praying mantis, and his insect friends, Harry’s Big Adventure: My Bug World! takes visitors on a unique multi-sensory journey through the habitats, sights, sounds and social structures of some of  nature’s smallest and most important contributors.

Your kids will adore it.

{My boy’s favorites were the scorpion and tarantula. Shocking, I know.}

My advice? Visit on a weekend when the special programming is in full swing.

On weekends trained entomologists from the Audubon Insectarium, allow you to get up-close-and-personal with the stars of the exhibit… the bugs!

Their specially designed interactive games and competitions had us in stitches. What kid wouldn’t want to know how far they can spit a cricket? Or root for their fav roach in the Roach Race, or  hang out in the Bug Petting Zoo?

Or even try an insect delicacy cooked up by the Bug Chef? Yes. You read right. THE BUG CHEF. If bug cuisine is on your bucket list, then this exhibit will be right up your alley…

{See how much I love my readers?  Yes, I ate a bug for my blog. It was, not surprisingly, rather crunchy. My kids haven’t kissed me in days.}

Important deets:

Harry’s Big Adventure: My Bug World! will be open during regular museum hours: Tuesday through Thursday, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.; Friday, 10 a.m. to 8 p.m.; Saturday 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. and Sunday 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. (Please note special weekend programming.) Entrance to the exhibit is included in museum admission. For ticket and admission information, call Maryland Science Center at 410-685-2370 or visit www.marylandsciencecenter.org for more information.

A little ditty about the origins of the term douchebag. Apparently it was invented in the Gerlock house.

Makes a momma proud. Err… not really.

He is so getting coal for Christmas.

I’m at an impasse with Christmas.

I have absolutely no idea what to gift the tweens this year. All either boy wants is… TECHNOLOGY. Yep, that is pretty much it.

• Phones
• Video games
• iPads
• Computers
• TVs … and on and on and on.

Gone are the days of action figures and Hot Wheels. Now everything on their lists have micro-circuitry and price tags in the triple digits. How fun.

I pretty much need to take out a second mortgage to afford this year’s wish list.

The frustrating thing is that the boys can’t name one other thing they desire other than technology. I get the old “surprise me” phrase when I press the subject. They don’t even have a suggestion for Santa. They are giving him the same line.

Sigh.

The result of this conundrum is me feeling woefully unprepared while endlessly surfing the Internet for anything remotely cool,  unique and reasonably priced.

Hours of fun I tell you. Hours. Of. Fun.

Anyone else experiencing this? Got any tips for me? Or SANTA?

Dear Middle School Teacher,

I am too old for tests. Please, for the love of all that is holy, stop sending home tests for my son to prepare for. Because if HE has to study that means I have to study.

And I don’t want to study.

I’m done with the studying. I’ve paid my dues. Done my time. I’m too OLD, I tell you!

Yet here I sit. Contemplating how to instruct the 12 year old in on how the geographical features of India influenced the development of their civilization. And as much as I appreciate world history, I would much rather spend my evening contemplating Demi and Ashton’s breakup or JLo’s new boyfriend or just, well, anything besides world history.

I’m sure that makes me a bad parent. But at least I’m an honest one.

Sincerely,

Too old for this nonsense

Wasn’t prepared for this conversation.

Was. Not. Prepared.

But of course, that is how it always happens… when you least expect it.

On the way to church youth group last night, my son informed me that he was ready for a phone… and a GIRLFRIEND.

Yep. Just like that he BROKE MY HEART. Over a casual conversation in the car.

SIGH.

Truth be told, I kinda knew this day was coming. I was just hoping he would stay in the video game / stinky-boy / why-do-I-need-to-wear-deodorant / girls-are-gross phase for awhile longer.

But no. We’re moving into a new stage of life.

Damn.

Have you ever been slapped in the face with a reality that you didn’t even know existed? Emotions so raw that you can’t control them when they come bubbling up to the surface?

Unfortunately, that happened to me yesterday morning in front of complete strangers. But more on that in a moment…

The day started out well enough. I was thrilled to attend Hallmark’s Moments Between the Milestones event in Washington, D.C. It was a lovely morning that brought together bloggers from across the area as well as some of the most wonderfully creative minds at Hallmark. (Yep. THAT Hallmark. Some photos here.)

What an honor and a treat to be a part of that crowd!

And it was in front of that crowd, that I had a little breakdown.

We were lead through a writing workshop in which we were to randomly select three words from an envelope to use creatively in a piece of writing. There were no boundaries, only time limitations. We were encouraged to do free flow writing and just let the words take you on a journey.

My three words were MONSTERS… WINDOW… GIGGLE. (Seemed easy enough. I mean, I’d always called the boys “my little monsters” so I felt pretty confident .)

What came out of me was an emotional piece on them growing up…

“They are monsters. Not literally. Well, sometimes. When they try to assert themselves. When they try to be grown up. When they want their own way. Sometimes I don’t even recognize them…. my babies.

They are babies no more.

I remember when they were small. Well, smaller. When they needed me more. When they were little and momma scared away the monsters. We would gaze out the window for hours looking at the sky. Gazing at the rain. Finding animals in the clouds.

I sometimes catch a look or giggle that reminds me of those times and it makes my heart melt.

It is hard to let go, however necessary. We still giggle. We still gaze. But things change. Even the monsters.”

When I was asked to share what I wrote, I had a complete crying jag of a meltdown. In. Front. Of. Strangers.

I know. Not my finest I’ve-got-it-together moment.

I’m sure some in the room were sympathetic. I’m sure some could even relate. I’m sure some thought I forgot my medication.

Looking back on it, I can honestly say that I had NO IDEA I was so emotional about this transition in their/our life. Our daily pace is hectic. There is not much time for reflection. This exercise forced me to acknowledge some feelings that I didn’t realize existed.

Wow. Dare I say, “Thank you Hallmark?”

Yes, I believe I shall. Now, please excuse me while I go hug some not-so-little-anymore monsters…

How about you? Have you ever had a moment or realization about something like this?

As a child, I used to LOVE school supplies, and I loved packing and unpacking and then re-packing them again and again, into my brand new back pack.  And while as a parent now, I like the sense of organization and order (albeit fleeting) that school supplies can bring, as an Occupational Therapist, I cringe as I watch my kids pack their new school supplies into their used and soon to be overstuffed backpacks.

September 21st is National School Backpack Awareness Day and it is an annual event that is held on the 3rd Wednesday of every September.  The Day began years ago, as a partnership campaign between the the American Occupational Therapy Association (AOTA) and L.L.Bean, Inc. in an attempt to educate parents, students, educators and communities about the serious health effects that back packs that are too heavy or worn improperly have on children.

• More than 79 million students in the US carry school backpacks (AOTA “Backpack Facts”.)
• More than 23,000 backpack-related injuries were treated at hospital emergency rooms, doctor’s offices,  and clinics in 2007 (U.S. consumer Product Safety Commission National Electronic Injury Surveillance System (NEISS), Database (2007))

So what’s a parent to do?! I don’t know about you, but as a parent I like to economize where I can, and buying a brand new pack that meets the growth rate of my children from year to year is not always in the budget.  So if you’re like me and you’re stuck with “last year’s backpack”, which was purchased in an attempt to fit them for at least a couple of years,  but want to minimize any complications the pending doom/I mean overstuffing, might cause…here are some strategies I intend to follow and teach my kids:

• “Pack it light, wear it right!”; It’s recommended that a loaded back pack should never weigh more than 15% of your child’s total body weight (i.e. for a student weighing 100 lbs, the back pack shouldn’t weigh more than 15 lbs).
• When teacher, “Mrs. Jones”, assigns extra homework or EVERY “Mrs. Jones” assigns homework and your child is expected to carry what amounts to a pack that outweighs the 15% rule, suggest your child pack ½ in their bag and carry the rest in their arms, so the weight is evenly distributed, or pack most in the bag and hand-carry remaining items (to get my kids used to what 15% of their weight feels like, I’ll be organizing a couple relay races in our backyard, prior to labor day) note: if the backpack is too heavy too often, a rolling pack may be a better option
• Check what’s in the bag and make sure all items in there are essential for the day’s activities. (I confess, I’ve found many an unidentifiable, lost, or broken items in my own kids’ pack.  Who knew her entire coin collection was stashed in the front pocket and that she wasn’t really eating those apples?)
• Load heavy items closest to the child’s back (the back of the pack) and as best you can, arrange books and materials so they won’t slide around in the back pack.  Stable loads mean less strain on a child’s back muscles.
• WEAR BOTH STRAPS! This distributes weight evenly and helps minimize pressure on blood vessels and nerves in the neck and shoulders, which could cause pain and/or tingling in the hands, arms, or neck when too much pressure is applied.    A waist belt will also help with weight distribution, as will securing the pack snugly against your child’s back.  I’m realistic enough to know the waist belt will not get worn by my kids, no matter how much nagging I do,  so the 2-strap rule is routinely “encouraged”.  In fact, by the end of the school year last year, I had the younger two kids in my carpool calling after the older ones as they got out of the van at drop-off, “Both straps!  Both straps!”  (I think it gave the younger ones something to tattle about on their older siblings…I know tattling only happens in my house but hey…I’ll use it when it works).
• Finally, if it’s in your budget to purchase a pack, if at all possible, choose a pack with padded shoulder straps and choose a pack that allows the bottom of the pack to rest in the curve of the lower back.  A backpack that hangs too low or loosely can pull backwards and strain muscles.

And so now that I’ve taken care of my kids and the backpack dilemma, I need to get myself ready and practice what I preach.   There are ergonomic strategies for carrying a purse too…who knew?!

Kelly Beins is wife and mom of two, a runner, an Occupational Therapist certified in sensory integration, and owner of a new practice, Occupational Therapy Consulting, LLC which specializes in sensory integration assessments and consultations. Kelly specializes in working with children, birth through adolescence, who have developmental or social-emotional challenges and has presented and written at both the state and national levels.  Watch for the online launch of her new website: www.otc-frederick.com some time mid-October along with her new blog: “Glass Half Full”, which will showcase resources, tips and strategies for helping people live life to the “fullest”, as well as stories of people, who will inspire the pessimist in all of us.

My children are very active in groups sports and have been for years. My husband, a saint in anyone’s book, has coached both of their soccer teams since, well, forever. And I have been managing or volunteering in some capacity right along with him.

We are ALL IN when in comes to group sports. One son is on a travel league. The other is on a recreation league. My husband is assistant coach to both teams. I am helping with managing the travel league. (Way more paperwork and details!)

It takes a lot to fire us up. And, people, we ARE fired up.

Our soccer league recently merged with two others and in doing so made some radical changes. I’m not involved or interested in the minutia of those changes and I am generally not critical of other’s decisions.

However….

I want to send a wake up call to the folks in charge. And this goes for anyone running a sports program or league of any nature: Fairness is important. Treatment of others is important. Acknowledgment is important. IT MATTERS. The little things MATTER to kids and their parents.

The travel kids get two practice jerseys along with two lavish uniforms (shirt/pants) made out of stellar material in two colors with socks to match in coordinating colors. Our recreation kids get one t-shirt to wear to all practices and games. ONE COTTON T-SHIRT.

Our head coaches get mesh jerseys, a future stipend and their child’s league fees paid for. Our assistant coaches get ONE COTTON T-SHIRT. (Yeah, no matter how many teams they assist.)

It sends a message:

• We are not really concerned about you.
• You are an afterthought.

My son is in a recreation league because he loves it and to help bolster his self esteem. As I’ve mentioned before, he has a learning disability and school is hard for him. Soccer is where he finds friends and feels like he is a part of something away from the taunts of the school yard.  Before the merger, he didn’t know he was “just a rec player.” He just knew he was a part of a great league. Now, with new changes differentiating travel from rec, it has become blatantly obvious to him that he isn’t good enough. GEE, THANKS. Not that we expect a travel uniform but, really? A little effort would have been nice. You know, so he feels like an actual player again.

My husband spends five days a week and countless hours on the soccer field. Just like the head coaches, he loves each one of those kids and makes sure that he shows them how special and important they are. He attends all of the mandatory meetings. A little acknowledgment (even in the form of a coaches shirt) would be nice.

So, again, for those of you who manage a league or sports program, take my words to heart. The details matter in ways you might not expect. (A child’s self esteem, perhaps? Devoted volunteers who feel like you give a hoot?) Fairness is important. Treatment of volunteers is important. Acknowledgment is important. The little things MATTER to kids and their parents.

You’re welcome.

Yep, still on vacation! It is vacation week here at Hip As I Wanna Be which means that you get a chance to read some blogs penned by some of my favorite writers on the net. Like Lara from Chicken Nuggets of Wisdom. Love it!

Let’s get something straight here, I’m not your average everyday nut-job. I’m above average, most days. Truth be told, I consider myself practically pragmatic. Unlike my mother some people, I’m not buying into this whole 2012 Doom’s Day paranoia. You won’t find me stuffing my basement/bunker full of toilet paper, dehydrated chimichangas and Tang.

Furthermore, I firmly believe we’ve put an actual man on the actual moon. I’m not sold on the theory that a fraternity of evil gazillionaires are holding secret pow-wows deep in the Northern California forest to plan a new world order in which Speedos are required male beach attire. Nor do I buy into the notion that we are all Alien hybrids (though I do have doubts about a few people who hold public office). That said, after having received this year’s school supplies lists, I suspect something is up with teachers and Kleenex.

I am the mother of four pain in the posterior wonderful children. This year I sent one off to college. Good news about him, no school supplies list. Bad news tuition and textbooks. GULP! Two of the little darlings are in elementary school, the brooding twelve year old is in middle school. Now that you’re armed with superfluous information about my offspring, shall I continue?

I noticed something peculiar this year. On each of the mile long scrolls that comprise their supply list is a demand for a minimum of 3 large boxes of Kleenex. Yes I said three large boxes of Kleenex.  Okay I get it, children are germ-ridden-snot-filled-bags-of-ooze requiring the occasional leaflet of dead tree to serve as both barrier and clean up crew. Hello, I’m the mayor of Snottykidville, I empathize. But three large boxes per child? (did I mention the boxes were large and they wanted three of them?) This had me perplexed so I did a little “scientific” sleuthing.

In my five year old daughter’s class there are 22 children. If each child brings three large boxes of Kleenex, with 100 tissues per box that is 6,600 snot wipers per class. If a school year is around 320 days, that works out to roughly 21 tissues per drippy nose, per day. Multiply that by 2,000 kids in a school -ooh ooh hold on… brain pain… ugh… this feels too much like a word problem- well that’s a freakin’ heck of a lot of Kleenex sister! So what are they doing with it?

My first hypothesis was, bra stuffing. Not that I would ever have known anything about that practice. Alas, Mr. Carrilio’s unfortunate “issues” with chest over-foliage and the Victoria’s Secret body-by-silicon “no wonder” bra, pretty much nixed that one. The next thought was that perhaps they were using it to line the walls of the teacher’s lounge rendering it sound proof. I know, were I a teacher, I’d be all about that. After hours of deep and logical thought -assisted by Dr Smirnoff- I’ve come to the conclusion that they are planning a coup. Their opening volley in the war of attrition from the PTA will come in the form of a spit-ball barrage of epic proportions.

So gurd the fruit of your loins people. Whatever you do, if the teachers request industrial sized packs of straws, DO. NOT. under any circumstances comply! The fate of the Fall Frolic and holiday wrapping paper sale lays in the balance. It’s a Kleenex conspiracy I tell ya!

This week my darling little ones are at “CAMP GRANDMA.”

That is right.  My husband and I have an entire week ALONE.  And it is WEIRD, y’all. I kinda don’t know what to do with myself.

Having all of this time to myself reminds me of all of the time I wasted before having children. I look back on it in utter shame. What a loss! All of the things I didn’t do or take advantage of! Stupid, stupid girl…

So as a public service announcement (of sorts) I would like to impart some of my years of wisdom to all of the childless folk out there.

SIX THINGS YOU MUST DO BEFORE YOU HAVE CHILDREN:

GO TO THE GYM: Knock off the excuses. I don’t want to hear about it. No, you actually DO have time to work out. Once you produce little ones your definition of “me time” will be relegated to hiding in the bathroom while your 4-year-old pounds on the door to let her in.  If you can’t even pee alone THEN and only THEN can you say you don’t have time to workout.

SPEND MORE THAN $5.00 ON CLOTHING: Girlfriend, buy pretty clothes for yourself. The minute you birth that child all of your articles of clothing will be used as a napkin, vomit mopper or burp cloth anyway. Like it or NOT. Buy and wear the pretty stuff now. (And be sure to take pictures of yourself wearing it to prove that you once were a fashionista.)

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, TRAVEL: You will never have more money or more time. EVER. Soon your money will be spent on formula and car seats and braces and college. Do. It. Now. (I still don’t own a passport and I am staring down 40. True story. Don’t be me.)

SEE A MOVIE. NO SEE TWO: Once the kids come, movies go by the wayside. Watching “Back to the Future” for the first time 10 years after its release is not nearly as fun as seeing it in the decade it was made. (Yes, I have a friend who did this. Pathetic.) The same rule applies to book reading. Reading in bed equals sleeping. You’ll never be able to keep your eyes open again.

HAVE MORE SEX: Trust me, it won’t be as convenient or spontaneous after the little ones come, no matter how hard you try. (Which reminds me, my kids aren’t here this week. Why exactly am I blogging, again?)

EAT WEIRD FOOD: You need to be experimental while you can. Eat the escargot. Flambe the dessert. Add garlic and cilantro and olives and hot peppers while you can. Be ever mindful of the chicken nuggets, hot dogs and mashed potatoes that will make up the majority of your future culinary escapades. Liven up those taste buds!

So how about it? Anyone else have anything to add to this list? What am I forgetting?