As you know, I recently celebrated my 39th birthday. And as a result of that, I am launching a new project for 2011.

Sound ominous?

Perhaps.

While training for the last marathon with Katie, we would often joke about our impending “40th,” largely due to the fact that we both hitting the milestone in 2011. As I have said before, neither of us are necessarily overjoyed or devastated by it, just acutely aware that it is there lurking in the horizon.

Many of our friends have had bad reactions to turning 40. Many have not. But ALL have been aware of it’s significance in their life. Which is why we  jokingly dubbed the upcoming 11 month’s to “F U 40″ and vowed to devote them to whatever makes us feel less “middle-aged” and thus reducing the potential for over reaction.

When Katie and I discuss “F U 40″ it  is usually in the context of running. But being a goal junkie, I decided to take a different route in embracing my upcoming milestone. In doing some soul searching, I’ve noticed a pattern of  safety and conformity. I tend to opt for the road MORE traveled. I like things that are familiar and less intimidating.

That is no longer an option.

For the purposes of this blog, I am calling my upcoming year of “F U 40″ … “Project Me 2011.” Original, ain’t it? (Sorry. I’m just not in a clever mood today and I don’t want to always refer to it as “F U 40.”)

Each month I will be concentrating on tasks that make me branch out, do something different and/or take a chance. That being said, don’t expect me to jump out of an airplane, folks. Whatever I do or don’t do has to fit into my budget and lifestyle. Meaning, I’m not going to take a chance at death while my kids are young. I also want to keep this loose because I suspect that inspiration will hit me as I go along. I plan to announce each new “project” at the beginning of the month.

Of course, I will blog the whole thing. That is a given. (Speaking of… blogging in a more honest and open way is one of my most difficult challenges. Talk about making me uncomfortable? Ugh. That will do it.)

I hope that you will join me on this journey. Should be fun and uncomfortable and interesting. It is my hope that what I learn this year will inspire a new life spent taking the road LESS traveled.

Update: Each month I have been blogging and sometimes privately journalling my experiences. I highly recommend it. Especially if you are a writer at heart. It is really making a difference in my life! (May 2011)

Today is my 39th birthday.

I mean, my 29th birthday.

Oh hell. Whatever. Fine. I’m staring down 40. What of it?

I am in a bit of a reflecting mood right now. It has been a big year of accomplishments for me. Let me clarify a bit… I don’t say “accomplishments” in order to elicit a ton of “woo hoo” compliments, just in reflection. Obviously with big accomplishments come big sacrifices and many a sleepless night. I’m sure you know exactly what I mean…

But I have to admit, even for me, this has been a blessed year, albeit at a ridiculous pace. A cursory list:  taking care of my fantastic family, opening up the new business, launching Momz Share, attending Blog Her, being mentioned in the New York Times (twice!) and Wall Street Journal, raising over $2,600 for charity and running the New York Marathon, meeting wonderful new friends and business associates and learning a heck of a lot in a short time… to name a few.

No wonder I am tired.

You know, I was talking to my friend Pat a couple of weeks ago and we had a conversation that has stuck with me… He asked me “what was next” on my list after conquering the NYC Marathon. I didn’t have an answer for him. I merely shrugged and said, “I think nothing. I don’t have anything on my agenda. I guess I am going to take a break.” He sat right up in his seat and said, “Oh COME ON! I don’t believe that for a second. I know you Jen and you won’t be able to sit still for long.” (I am paraphrasing, of course.)

Let me just say – I hate him for being right. Gah! But I love him for challenging inspiring me.

For right now, however, I am content to just sit quietly and reflect. (And plot my new world domination goals.. muwahahaha)

Business goals I have. We’ve mapped them all out. Personal goals are another matter. And blogging goals, well, that is really high on my list right now. I’ve am very antsy to get back to some serious writing. (Just need to survive the holidays first…) As for my family, well, I will be launching a middle schooler next year and if there is a perfect time to really concentrate on your family, this would be it!

In the interest of wrapping up the year, I put together a quick and dirty slide show for you. Thank you all for being such a huge part of my 38th year… darn! I mean 28th year. Cheers!

So yesterday, my adorable, innocent kids were all excited to share a funny YouTube video with me that they had found over the weekend. They begged their daddy to find it again because it was “me” and it was “hilarious.”

Having viewed said video I do agree (wince!) that it is indeed “hilarious” (!) and um, yeah, I guess it is “me.”

That smarts.

I think I have some re-prioritizing to do. Don’t you? (Feel free to chuckle…)

This weekend was an overwhelming, non-stop whirlwind of action. Our stay in NYC was brief – we got there on Saturday at noon and left Sunday night at 9 (Lori & I) but it was exhilarating. (Katie & Brian stayed one day longer.)

If I were to try to write a blog post detailing the experience though, I would be here forever! So I opted to do it in a timeline this way… (My personal thoughts are in paranthesis.)

Trains. Taxis. Hotel. Expo. Pasta Dinner. Cupcakes. (Wow! Magnolia Bakery Rocks.) Early Sleep. Shuttles. Ferry Rides. Fort Wadsworth. (Aww, I Used To Live Here!)Runners Village. Heated Tent. (Coffee And Fooood!!!!) 10:40am. Orange Wave. Overzealous Pacer Group. (Why Is The Pace Girl Sprinting? Come Back Here!) Long Bridges. Photographers. Mile 4. Music. Cheering. Screaming. Water. Gatorade. (Where Is My GU?) Live Bands. Costumed Spectators. QUEENSBORO BRIDGE (AHHHH!) Another mile. (Who’s Idea Was This, Anyway?) Hills. Great Signs. Music. Another Boro. Another Bridge. (Really?! Was That Necessary?) Church Service. Rap Music.  ”Jared” Faces Everywhere. Disgusting Bathrooms. Another Bridge. (Who Designed This Course, Anyway?) More Cheering. (Needing Water ASAP.) Another Mile. AT&T Not Working. (Excuse Me But Why Does This Course Never Seem To Go Down Hill?) “The Wall.” Stretching.  Five Miles To Go. AT&T Still Not Working. Parties Everywhere. (Is That “Where’s Waldo” Running With An Armadillo?) Central Park. Lots Of People! Screaming. (Are We Done Yet?) Fans Everywhere. (I Can’t Run One More Mile. Oh Hell, One Point Five To Go.) More Photographers. Cow Bells. (Did We Just Pass The Chilean Miner? Crazy!) Lori & Brian. (Squee! There They Are!) So Close. The Finish Line! (Thank You Baby Jesus!) Big Hugs! Finishers Medals. Commemorative Picture. Fluid And Food Bag. (All I Want To Know Is…Did We Beat Jared Or Al Roker?) Long Walk Out Of The Chute. Freezing Cold. AT&T Never Works. (I Can’t Believe We Did It! I Think I Need A Steak!) Proudly Displayed Medal. Train Ride Home. 1:00am. (Somebody Remind Me To Never Do This Again.) Sleep.

Since half of the reason I was able to get across the finish line in the first place had everything to do with inspiration, I thought I would share some of the best signs I saw out on the course yesterday:

• “Toenails are overrated anyway.”
• “You can and you will.”
• “If Palin can run, so can you!”
• “Finishing is your only option.”
• “If marathons were easy we would all be doing it!”
• “You are stronger than you think.”
• “Chuck Norris never ran a marathon.”
• And my personal favorite… “You are not a wimp!” (Thanks Lori!)

I would just like to take a second to personally thank every single New Yorker (You know who you are. Heh.) who yelled a affirming statement directed at me. From the “You go Jen!” to the “Stay strong” to the “You’ve got this girl!” and the “Dig deep Jen, you are almost home!”… you made me cry, you made me laugh and you ALL got me over the finish line. You will probably never see this blog post or remember me, little runner number 53-416 from Maryland, but I was deeply moved and completely inspired. My gratitude goes out to you.

I can’t believe I just ran the New York City Marathon! Woo hoo!

I’m gonna let you in on a secret… I’m an over-achiever. In a mid-life whatchamacallit .

“Duh? You say?” (Insert laughter from all of the people who really know me here.)

Funny thing is that I actually didn’t realize I was the “over achieving type” until recently when a friend *ahem* made fun of me lamenting about something on the phone.  She nailed it right then and there and called me out.

Totally made me pause and take mental stock: upcoming marathon, charity, new business, blogging, Momz Share, community manager, blah, blah, blah…

Huh. I guess I AM.

The funny thing is that I don’t feel like the over-achiever she declared me to be.  I feel like I do many things and none of them well. (Insert mental anxiety here.) NONE. OF. THEM. WELL.

I guess you could say that I am in  some sort of mid-life crisis.  My husband would probably agree. He has to live with me and with my 6:00am crying jags centering around laundry or dishes or other such nonsense.

I’ve been doing a ton of soul searching in the past couple of months.  And no, it is  not really working out that well at the moment. I just keep getting stuck in the woe- is-me mode.  Which is annoying. Honestly, if I am annoying MYSELF then how can I NOT be annoying other people? It is just not possible.

I’m like that 45 something-guy in your neighborhood who just bought a yellow Corvette for no reason.  I may have not bought the Corvette yet but I am contemplating a pink hair extension and a nose piercing.

I just feel like I am not doing anything REALLY WELL.  Like I am just “phoning it in” yet the “it” is my life.  My mom (Gotta love mom, dontcha?) says that I am crazy and that perhaps I just need to  drill it down and not DO SO MUCH or perhaps LOWER MY STANDARDS.

And that will make it better????

The reason I pouring out my feelings here is because this blog is one of the things I feel like I am not especially doing well.  I’m always afraid of being TOO REAL.  TOO OPEN. Which flies in the face of the reason why we read blogs in the FIRST PLACE, right?

I know. I am a mess.

Got any suggestions for me? Coping strategies? Tissue brand recommendations? Please leave a comment, a thought or some sappy sentiment in my comment box.  I don’t think my husband can take another 6am crying jag.

Heh.