A new lifestyle retreat for working mothers is debuting in the DC Metro area this April. {re}Treat Yourself – a lifestyle redesign getaway for working mothers – is the brain child of a woman I admire greatly, Stacey Ferguson. (See her Working Mom Spotlight here)

The event was born out of Stacey’s own frustrations, “ I have always been frustrated at the lack of practical lifestyle resources available to parents, specifically moms juggling family and career. So many mothers I know, myself included, are struggling with keeping all of the balls they have to juggle in the air; it’s a major source of stress that is rarely addressed.  After searching high and low for an outlet like without success, I decided to create one.”

Gotta love a woman who gets out there and just makes it happen!

The {re}Treat Yourself  event in April is the first in a series of lifestyle redesign experiences she has planned.  This 2-day event is all-inclusive and will offer busy mothers workshops on topics like: fitness and relaxation; meal planning; developing support systems and nurturing relationships; defining personal style; home and office organization; creating an ideal family life; and much more.

Not to be forgotten, of course, {re}Treat Yourself will also offer attendees opportunities for pampering, downtime and a chance to tackle items off of their to-do lists, in addition to coming away with concrete takeaways to simplify and enrich their lives.

The event is slated for April 13^th and 14^th, 2012 at the AAA Four Diamond Lansdowne Resort in Leesburg, VA. Registration is now open. For more information or to sign up, visit: http://Events.JusticeFergie.com

If you are a working woman who desperately needs time to relax and recharge, I urge you to give this weekend some consideration. I know the quality of Stacey’s events and I am certain she will once again knock this out of the park. It looks spectacular!

I read an article today called “Out of the closet as a happy working mom.” In it the author, a fellow working mother, scandalously declares that she does NOT feeling guilty for going back to work.

She states, “It is great to be back. If that sounds insufficiently guilt-ridden, sorry. I’m happy to be back at work. No ambivalence, no self-flagellation. It’s great to earn a paycheck again. It’s magnificent to get coffee, use the bathroom by myself and be around grownups. Even meetings are fun, though that feeling will surely pass. So today I’m outing myself as a happy working mom, despite the pressure women with kids often feel to sound miserable and conflicted about the “choice” to work…. Work is fun. Even with the crazy plate-spinning necessary to hold down a full-time job, it’s fun. ”

I applaud her.

I’ve long been disgusted with the whole working mom vs. stay at home mom guilt trip. Every woman is different. Every situation is different. Judging is pointless.

Much to my own mother’s chagrin (another blog post all together), I have always been a working mother. As cliche as this may sound, I’ve just never had a choice.  As I guilt ridden young mother, I tried oddball schedules (magazine night shift, anyone?), made tough decisions and  major sacrifices and  to keep my family functioning well. Nonetheless, I’ve always held a job.

I’ve had many conversations over the years where I have worked hard to convince others, not to mention myself, that if I didn’t have to work… I wouldn’t.

Total malarkey.

It is how I am wired.

I may not need to work for money but I most definitely would end up finding a committee to run. Or a gala to chair or a blog or magazine to write for or SOMETHING.

But that is just me. My mind is never still. I’ve never been a talented homemaker. (Ask my husband, he will confirm. Oh boy will  he confirm.)

My calling to be in the working world most certainly does not make me a bad mother. My children are fed, clothed, loved and coddled. They are challenged and nurtured and attended to. And sometimes even spoiled. I love them dearly.

Do I feel guilty? Of course. All moms feel guilt, it comes with the territory.

Do I wince when others to judge me? Most certainly. (Don’t they have something more constructive to do with their time?)

Working moms in today’s society feel a tremendous amount of pressure. It goes without saying that if  we could all start trying to support each other in our choices, everyone would be better off.

Even our kids.

Michelle,  Shannon and I –  Nice pimp hat, no?

Sorry I’ve been absent lately. I spent the large part of this week in Baltimore attending the Social Fresh conference. Fabulous experience for marketers! Such a refreshing conference with tons of relevant, actionable topics.

*Um, yeah… I am fully aware that technically today is Thursday so I have no right acting like this is a Wordless Wednesday post but “Text Free Thursday” just didn’t have the same ring to it and I really meant to get this up yesterday, so there.  (I may need some more sleep.) I’ll be sure to blog more about the experience in the next few days.

I have such a hard time saying no. (Can anyone relate?)

I say yes because it is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I say yes because I want to help people. I say yes because it is in my nature. I say yes because WORLD DOMINATION is part of my master plan. (Natch.) I say yes because I don’t want to disappoint.

I say yes because I don’t realize THE IMPACT that being over committed is going to have on me and my family.

To be perfectly honest, there are many, many times I that I end up regretting that yes. 

Which is why lately, I’ve been making some hard choices. Passing up on once-in-a-lifetime opportunities. Turning down requests. In short, trying to streamline my life and my family’s life into something more manageable and less stressful for us.

Image via baneofyourresistance.wordpress.com

I shouldn’t wake up in a cold sweat at 5:15 every morning feeling like I’m running behind. It is just not healthy. And it is making me a very grumpy, tired and uninspired girl. (Not to mention mommy, friend, wife, sister, daughter.)

But it is SO VERY HARD to say no.

Sigh.

Interestingly enough, I found an article today written by the Mayo Clinic that talks about this very issue. In it they assert that:

• Saying no isn’t necessarily selfish – When you say no to a new commitment, you’re essentially honoring your existing obligations and ensuring that you’ll be able to devote quality time to them.
• Saying no can allow you to try new things – Just because you’ve always helped plan the company softball tournament  or school charity function doesn’t mean that you have to keep doing it forever. Saying no gives you time to pursue other interests.
• Always saying yes isn’t healthy – When you’re overcommitted and under too much stress, you’re more likely to feel run-down and possibly get sick.

Powerful way of thinking, isn’t it?

And a no for now is not always a no forever, right?

So what about you? Do you have a hard time saying no? Are you overcommitted? How do you manage it all?

Guess what I did today?

I taped a segment for Good Morning Maryland on ABC!  The piece will air in Baltimore this Saturday morning so be sure to tune in as I cover the must haves for back-to-school season.

GIRLY FOOTNOTE: Ahem… You know, BEFORE having to go on television, I could have named two dozen outfits that I could happily throw on any day of the week and I’d be satisfied with my appearance.

Suddenly, last night around, oh, 10:00pm I DIDN’T HAVE ONE DECENT ITEM IN MY WARDROBE.  I chose that precise moment to hate everything that I owned. 

Sarah Pinnix, mom of three girls, has been blogging since 2007 at Real Life . In 2008, she founded High Country Mom Squad ,  a northwest NC online magazine for moms. After a few years of private social media marketing consulting, she transitioned to working outside the home, as Social Media Marketing Specialist at international relief organization, Samaritan’s Purse.

 Over the years, how have you learned to balance career and motherhood?

 I think it will always be a learning process for me. Our family is always going through some sort of transition, whether it be changing jobs, starting kindergarten, extra-curricular activities, or myriad other scenarios.  The key has been to keep the communication lines open with my husband, and constantly re-evaluate how we do things, what’s working, and what we need to change. If I look at it as a constantly developing process, I can avoid going out of my mind.

 Is there one particular parenting lesson you’ve learned about raising kids?

 Hmmm… maybe just one. And it is that each child requires a different approach.  Really helpful, right? Learning your child love language (Book: The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman), can help you meet their needs the way they can receive best. I have a story about how using my daughters love language to change the way I brush her hair miraculously made it hurt less.  It’s the little things.

Battling stress? Any advice?

 Lists.  When I’m really stressed, I make a list of everything that’s stressing me.  If I can do something about an item, I plan the action I will take.  If I can’t do anything about it, I accept that fact and move on.  Oh, also… get your hormones checked, and consider medication. (Only half-kidding) 

 Tools or products you can’t live without?

 I admit I’ve only done it for this month, but I am in love with www.OnceaMonthMom.com.  Cooking one day per month, I have enough meals to feed my family before 7 PM every night! She provides the menu, shopping list, recipes, and instructions, and you just have to give over 8-10 hours of your life.  But now, I come home from work knowing that dinner is a “reheat” away. 

 Do you have an inspirational quote, motto or philosophy you can share with us?

 My favorite Scripture is Jeremiah 29: 11-13, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

 Favorite resources, books, or website? 

 Since I’ve recently started working outside the home, I’ve found a lot of resources on www.BlueSuitMom.com. My all time favorite resource, though is Twitter. It seems that someone will have a solution for just about every problem I have.

 What have you been up to lately?

I recently vlogged my first time doing Once a Month Cooking on Facebook , and I plan to upload quick videos on my blog to chronicle my going to work at the office. If you have any advice, or you just want to laugh at my inadequacies, come on over!

 Connect with her:

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/reallifesarah
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/reallifeblog
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/reallifesarah
Websites and blogs: http://www.reallifeblog.net, http://www.highcountrymomsquad.com

Do you make THE LIST?

Surely you know what I am talking about. I can’t be the only one.

I was watching the trailer for Sarah Jessica Parker’s new movie “I Don’t Know How She Does It” and was struck by how similar our lives seemed. (Except for the whole living in Manhattan and looking stunning in business clothes because I am a size zero part. Because that is so not my reality.)

I confess that I laughed out loud when she described her nightly ritual of  forgoing sleep in order to make “THE LIST.” I do the same thing every single night. THE. SAME. EXACT. THING. In fact MY list making has gotten so out of hand that I now have a mini three ring binder with tabs labeled for work, family and blogging on my nightstand.

Many a night I find myself bolting out of a deep slumber to log something new in it’s appropriate tab. Over-the-top? Obsessive? Slightly pathetic? Maybe. But it is the glue that keeps this frantic working momma together. Without it… I am lost.

A sampling of what is in my binder right now:

Fess up! Anyone else use make “THE LIST” at night? What is on yours?

Children? What children? Do I have CHILDREN?

Yesterday I had a day chock full of activity: New intern in the office. Meeting with my business partner. Meeting with a client. Skype meeting with another client. Proposal to complete. Annual report to finish. And so on and so on…

I didn’t even THINK ABOUT MY CHILDREN until 3:30 in the afternoon. Truly. I went a full 6 1/2 hours without them even entering into my mind.

Just what kind of a mother AM I anyway?

I suppose that I could look on the bright side and cite that my lack of concern was a testament to the quality of our babysitter.

Or was it?

What if it is just a sign of my being a heinous human being? I swear sometimes  I thank God that I no longer have small babies because I am not entirely convinced that I wouldn’t forget them in a grocery cart or leave them at the bank or something equally as ridiculous as that.

There is that part of me that feels like something is off in my motherly DNA. Why am I not as obsessively worried about them anymore? Is it a sign of their increasing growth and independence or my increasing self-absorbance?

Am I just too caught up in my work?

Is this normal?

Should I be stripped of my motherly title and all of the benefits contained therein? (Cough. “Benefits”) Anyone else ever experience something like this?

According to a new study of working mothers (conducted by iVillage and TODAY.com) the “2011 Moms At Work Survey” found that salary outranks the desire for family-friendly benefits when it comes to job priorities – with 97% of working moms surveyed saying that salary is most important to them (Duh! I could have told you that), followed by a family-friendly work environment (91%), job enjoyment (91%), flexible hours (86%), a short commute (83%) and health insurance for the family (81%).

Some interesting tidbits – Eight out of ten working mothers polled are earning at least half or more of their household’s income. (Girl power!) More than two-thirds (68%) of working moms reported they are still responsible for most of the household chores — clearly illustrating that today’s working mother is spending her life on double duty, with increased responsibilities at the office and at home. (What is the news here? I think we all know this. Who isn’t pulling double or triple duty these days?)

The study also found:

• Although 90% of working moms feel tired and stressed, over 85% feel happy and proud. (I get the “happy and proud” idea but mostly I am just damn tired. Admittedly, a glass of wine at the end of the day usually elevates my mood to “happy” so there is that.)

• All moms, whether they are working or not, continue to be responsible for the majority of the household chores. In two-thirds of dual working families, moms are responsible for 75% or more of all the household chores, with 97% of those surveyed responsible for half or more of the duties in the house. (If I comment further on this question I may end up divorced so let’s just say… “I concur.”)

• 68% of women polled would trade in their executive assistant for an assistant at home. (Not that I personally have one but yes, in a heartbeat! How the hell am I supposed to keep up with their school and sport schedules as well as fight boy germs in the bathroom?)
  

• Women aren’t receiving a passing grade when it comes to healthy habits. 77% agree that juggling work and family makes it hard to live a healthy lifestyle with close to 25% of moms reporting that they are not allowed to get sick! (Isn’t this obvious?)

• While the good news is that 59% of women surveyed are satisfied with the amount of time spent with their children, almost half, 47%, are not satisfied with the amount of time spent keeping fit/healthy. (For me it is either working out at 4:30am or after 8pm. Who has the energy for THAT?)
  

• 23% of working moms polled would welcome increased support from friends and family, and 41% want more support from their husband/partner to make their lives easier. (Again… no comment. I just wish my mom lived closer.)

• Merely 3 out of 10 women are happy with the amount of time they are able to spend alone with their partners once out of the office. (See my 40 before 40 list… spending more time with hubby is on there.)

• Today’s working mom is more mobile than ever before! 67% of working moms rely on their smart phone to make their lives easier. (Seriously! My husband is actually jealous of the amount of time I spend with mine. It is like a personal assistant or hunky pool boy. Hmm… maybe I should give it a name?)
  

Due to circumstances way beyond my control (read: freak weather and a very, very, very important work meeting that couldn’t be rescheduled) I was forced to do something radical with my children…

Put them in charge of getting themselves off to school while I was at work.

This is not something they had ever done before.  It was not something I was comfortable with. But we had no choice.

I made them breakfast, helped them get their things together, called my husband and neighbor so they could be checked on, set the oven timer and then… I left them. And I prayed. (No worries, folks. Everything worked out fine and in fact, they now want me to leave early more often. Naturally.)

It seems like lately things have sprung up that have created some interesting childcare dilemmas for me. A school delay here. A rescheduled meeting there.

It just really brings that bad mommy guilt on. You know what I mean?

Ugh.

I’m just so incredibly thankful that my kids are old enough that I can begin to trust them alone for small periods of time.

But what about all of  those other women out there who have smaller children or have to leave their children alone on a regular basis? Talk about tough childcare/career decisions!

My own journey into entreprenuership began because a female CEO (a mother herself) brought me into a closed door meeting one day and told me in no uncertain terms that she “expected more time from her employees.”  At that point I was working 50 hours a week and my boys were six and seven years old. One had been undergoing testing for short-term memory issues and learning disabilities. I guess the fact that I had been shuffling my work schedule around aggravated her.

So… I quit. Because what it came down to was the fact that  she was making me choose between being with my family or work.

And that is a pretty easy choice, don’t you think?

I reached out to some of my other working friends in the blogosphere to get their input on being a working mother:

“I have been working from home since 2004 and the past two years I have had tremendous mommy guilt, and it was mainly due for working 70+ hour weeks. While I don’t feel guilty about working, I’m proud to show my children that I’m following my dreams, and encouraging them to do the same in life, but I feel guilty for such long hours. The biggest decision for me was quitting my job this January to find more balance and focus on building my business instead just working for someone else. This way I can feel less guilty, because I am building a legacy for my children.” – Katja Presnal, Skimbaco Lifestyle

” I became a stay at home mom upon the birth of my daughter to avoid working mom guilt. Also, my mom works full time and although I had a stay at home dad (priceless!), I still missed her terribly, especially when she worked evenings and missed banquets, softball games, etc. When I began working from home, I hoped to find the best of both worlds, and some days I have that. But other times I struggle to keep the lines from blurring. When your office is in your home, it can be all too easy to neglect time with the kids for time with clients. I know that the money I earn is providing a nice life for them, and the fact is that they aren’t getting dropped off at daycare in the dark and picked up from daycare in the dark – I appreciate that – but I still struggle with the guilt. I suppose that no matter what our choice, we’ll all feel torn in some way or another.” - Amy Lupold Bair, Resourceful Mommy

“Six years ago, I started working full time out of the home. I hated it and felt so guilty leaving the girls. When I was home, we’d spend as much time together as we could. I made sure I was off for every performance. The tough times were when they were sick and I had to work. I eventually quit because the stress wasn’t worth the few dollars I made.” – Gena Morris, The Morris Bunch

” I dealt with my working mom guilt by quitting working for other people. Now I make the schedule and I make the workplace rules. If I want to go to a school play or take the family on a mini-vacation in the summer, I don’t have to ask anyone’s permission.” – Amy Bradley – Hole, The Bee Dot

Resource: Dealing With Working Moms Guilt, Whether You Love or Hate Your Job