Do you ever hide from your family?

Stupid question.  Well, OF COURSE you do.

Are there every any time when you just need a moment to yourself?  Or you just can’t deal with the situation?  Or perhaps JUST CAN’T MENTALLY TAKE IT ANYMORE?

I thought so.

What do you do about it?  I personally have tried the they’ll-never-find-me-in-the-bathroom trick and the I’m-changing-I’ll-be-right-down trick.

Neither work for me. Nobody cares.

I have no dignity.

So I don’t hide anymore.  Instead I sometimes DON’T COME HOME. Which of course is a also form of hiding…only more effective than the hanging out on the potty or pretending to be  in various states of undress.

Case in point… last night I had to run out and make a presentation for work.  I left the kids in the care of my wonderful husband for the night. He had to handle the soccer game, their homework and bedtime.  Now, I happened to get out of the presentation a little bit earlier than expected and called home with the intent of informing the family.  Immediately upon picking up the line, hubby told me that  Tiny Ninja  had a science quiz the next morning and that studying was NOT GOING WELL. 

AT ALL.

At which point my car ACCIDENTALLY veered itself away from the house and towards the grocery store.

Ahem. Yes. I went to the grocery store to avoid the family.  I just wasn’t ready to deal with a science quiz.  Truthfully, science is torture for me.  So I hid at the grocery store.

I know… SAD.  And yet, victorious at the same time.

When it comes to my kids, I have a secret. Well, actually, I have a couple.

I am ashamed to admit it, but there are a couple things that I do for my kids that are totally UNCALLED FOR.

There is no need for me to do them.  I totally realize that my kids are growing up and that I need to promote their independence.

No need to preach, I GET IT.

But still, I find myself performing some of the same tasks day in and out that I KNOW that they should be able to do by now. For example:

START THEIR APPLES-  This is stupid. But, okay, here it is. When my kids want to eat an apple they still ask me to start it for them. What I mean is, well… they want me to take the first bite for them. They  claim it is too hard.  Yes, I know they are lying through their little Chicklet-sized teeth. I  know what they really need is to “man up” and conquer the apple on their own. I know that it is clearly a toddler right of passage and that my boys are technically the “big kids on the bus.”  Shut up.

SLEEP WITH THEM – I don’t do it all the time, alright? Okay, who am I kidding? There are many a night that you will find me curled up under my (um, I mean THEIR) blue dinosaur covers waiting for sleep to engulf me while my poor husband spends the evening watching Rocky movies shivers all lonely-like and forgotten in the parent’s room.

PUT THEIR SHOES ON- Oh holy moley, people.  Don’t get all shocked on me here. Sometimes it is just easier AND FLIPPIN’ FASTER than waiting for the little monsters to accomplish it on their own. I just want to get out the door, okay? Is that too much to ask? I just want to get out the door and to work on time, or to the grocery store this year, or to the pool before night falls. Am I asking too much?

DRY & DRESS THEM – Now, in my defense, this is purely a survival technique. If I don’t dry them off and dress them immediately after they shower then we will have nothing less than screaming, wet, naked banshees streaking through the neighborhood house for the rest of the night. Boys love to be naked. And they love to scream. And to run. It is the stuff of nightmares.  I have to put the kibosh on it before all hell breaks loose. Really, it is for your protection. Not mine.

So there you have it.

Now you know.

BTW – If you want to feel even better about your parenting skills, head over to Life Starring the Kids and Me and check out her weekly blog carnival on Mommy Confessions. I love mom solidarity!