I’m going to address something today that I don’t usually talk about.

Over the years I have discussed my various career moves and balancing family life and career decisions but I’ve never really delved intensely into the “why” behind those moves.

I have a son with a learning disability. Or at least he used to be classified as having a disability. He’s been through OT and speech therapy as well as intensive reading and math interventions. At this point, at least according to the school system, he is classified as having ADD and has an IEP for school.

Dealing with my son’s “issues” (Oh how I hate that label. Total bunk in my opinion.) has steered my career decisions for the past seven years.
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My son, whom I affectionately call Tiny Ninja on this blog, is the most pure-hearted being that I have ever had the privileged to share space on this earth with.

He is a loving, gentle soul who wakes up with a smile and carries that happiness with him all day. People, I physically ache when I think about how dear and sweet he is.

My little man has had learning challenges since entering Kindergarten.  Let’s see… speech therapy, OT services, learning disabilities, reading groups, math interventions, tutoring, ADD diagnosis, processing issues, summer reading clinics, individualized education programs and extended learning opportunities.  You name it, he has had it.

And still he smiles.

This morning, however, he cried.  He cried long and hard.  He sobbed. Because this morning he started YET ANOTHER extended learning opportunity. This one was for math and it begin at 8:00am at his elementary school and it will, sadly, carry throughout the entire school year.

Tiny Ninja never had a problem with math until he began TERC math.  Don’t even get me started on this bullshit math program. Yeah, I said that. Out. Loud.  Because up until this math program was adopted by our school system, reading was our main challenge.  No longer.

But I am not writing today to bust on the math program… that is another post entirely.  I just need a space to vent and cry. Because sometimes I just can’t take the pain of seeing him struggle over and over again. As a mom I sometimes feel so helpless and yes, even angry.

When my little man sobbed this morning I couldn’t even find the words to comfort him. And I hate that.

First day of school for the kiddos today! Yes, I shattered their dreams, woke their little butts up and put them on a school bus.  WOO HOO!!!

Not that I am that excited about it or anything.

Actually, this year is the first year that I was right there with them savoring those last moments of Summer. Relishing the last day of freedom…

Back to school has always been one of the happiest times of my life. Not because I was a good student, but because in my mind Fall represented “reinvention.” A fresh start. A clean slate. A chance to do and be whatever I wanted.

So, in honor of my tremendous geeky love for “Skool Dayz,”  I now present to you and opportunity to mock me forever.  You’re welcome.

Prom circa 1989.  Aqua Net is fabulous, isn’t it?

Hanging in the hallway with my girl posse!

I was on the Pom squad for two weeks and, of course, someone
just HAD to document it. Grumble, grumble, grumble…

Sometimes I am just overwhelmed at the enormity of having kids.  Sometimes my heart just overflows with love and joy.

This means that I cry a lot.

I cry because my little ones are so precious.  I cry because they are so sweet, and caring and innocent.

I am often overwhelmed.  I’m sure you understand.

I know that I have already filled you in on my severe case of mommy guilt this Mother’s Day. And while it may be true that I had to miss Jedi’s Mother’s Day Tea at school today, I have a number of excellent friends who, through the miracle of technology, shared the event with me via the internet.  (My mother also volunteered to serve as a “surrogate mom” for the event…Thank goodness!)

Thank you to my friends for understanding the struggles of being a working mom and for unselfishly thinking of me during your own child’s tribute to YOU.  Thank you also to the teachers for putting together these wonderful events that remind us just how fun being a mom really is.

Happy Mother’s Day to all.

My son caught me crying yesterday morning.

I had a tremendous case of MOMMY GUILT.

I was in the middle of filling out my calendar when I realized that I wouldn’t be able to attend his second grade Mother’s Day celebration. Now I’ve been to this celebration once before with my older son and, truthfully, it is kinda sad to see the kids who’s moms couldn’t make it. The whole thing consists of cookies, some tea and an amazing presentation that has your picture with a hand-written poem created by your child. There is a lot of hand holding and “I Love You’s” going around.

So I already knew how he was going to be feeling with out me. I felt very guilty. And then he caught me.

Of course, being the little man that he is, he ended up comforting ME instead of me comforting HIM. I guess the upside to all of this is that at least he knows that I didn’t take it lightly.

It is so hard to be a working mother. I’m gonna be honest here, I wish I wasn’t working. Especially during times like this. I hate missing celebrations. I hate missing field trips and I really hate disappointing my kids.

But, I have to work. And I know I am not alone out there. There is a whole slew of us working moms out there trying to do the best we can to raise our families and create happy, healthy, well-rounded children.

I just wish we could do it with out the guilt. (Incidentally,  I am Catholic too… talk about a double whammy!)